hide it from the kids
Oct 27th, 2009 by charlotte
Mrs. Robinson / Simon & Garfunkel
the week after i got engaged i missed my period. each day that passed i brought tampons to work hoping that each trip to the bathroom would bring about their need. but aunt flo refused to visit. despite the fact that aiden and i had been very careful, despite the fact that it was near impossible that this could be happening, despite the fact that my almost doctor fiance assured me that i didn’t need to worry: I FREAKED OUT.
and by day 7 i started to freak out to the point that i kept annoying my friend alice with my concerns.
“Don’t you remember that episode of Sex and The City, where Carrie was ten days late?” Alice asked me.
“Yes, but my life is very unlike that show. And it is a TELEVISION SHOW.”
“I am just saying that it can happen.”
“Do you know any good abortion clinics?”
“Stop being so crazy.”
finally she told me that i should get a blood test from one of the nurse practitioners that she works with. i somehow found the courage to ask for it and then dragged alice with me to the lab so that i could get my blood drawn. i walked up to the check in desk and handed the request slip to the man behind the counter, and placed my hands on the counter.
he looked at the lab request and then asked me for my name and date of birth to check me in.
“Would you like me to update your marital status?” He asked me. I turned bright red and shook my head.
“Ummm, no that is ok.” He handed me a restaurant pager disk and had me sit down.
“Oh God, how embarrassing!” I muttered to Alice.
“Why?” She asked, perplexed.
“He knows I’m a whore!!! I’m getting a pregnancy test and I’m not married!”
“Charlotte,” She said holding back laughter, “You put your hand on the counter. He would have to have been blind to not see that rock.”
“But the lab result…”
“Just says BHCG 20063. I doubt an admitting clerk knows what that is for.”
And this is why I took Alice with me to the lab.
Two hours later Alice came to my desk to be with me when I checked my own lab result to find that it had come back NEGATIVE. And three days later I got my period.
Which is why Alice gets to be my life advisor from now on.