Castle on the Third Floor

Friends / Flight of the Conchords

this past weekend I went to see the new Twilight Movie.  Which is what all of my adult friends call it: the New Twilight Movie.  People, I understand that you work full time and have a life but it is called “New Moon” just like the second book in the series.  Not hard… unlike Taylor Lautner’s body.  ahem.

i walked away from the last movie not entirely impressed and so i was hoping that the infusion of funds into the project would assist in making me feel what the book made me feel.  i have yet to see a movie where the book wasn’t better.  there is something about reading and the fact that nothing can reflect the imagination of a million different readers.  i have come to grips with that.  and i can separate the two as different mediums of entertainment and recognize them as such.  see how cool i just made myself sound to cover the fact that i’m watching a movie that most 15 year-olds are too cool to attend?

so i sat quietly and tried VERY HARD not to roll my eyes when people starting screaming and clapping when the movie started.  i dutifully rolled my eyes when some random teenagers stood up and screamed “Team Jacob” and asked Alice if it was possible they had actually read the book.  and then… well, ok it isn’t like anyone who doesn’t live under a rock knows that the actor who plays Jacob gained 23 lbs in muscle to keep his role.  i just had no idea that… i just can’t… i don’t have the mental capacity… there are NO WORDS.

ok, so i know that he is 17.  i know that.  but that would not stop me from finding out where he lives and rubbing oil all over his chest.  and then maybe trying to find someone in congress to put through a bill that would make it illegal for him to wear shirts.  and then i would pay him to hang out at my house all day.

and i cannot be objective about whether or not this movie followed the book closely, or if the characters acted better than last time, and i cannot honestly remember anything else about the book or the movie that bothered me.  i mean i was barely able to walk to the car properly.  the whole movie i kept hoping that jacob would be in the scene and when he was in the scene i kept hoping that he would take off his shirt.  and the scene where he had his shirt off and was getting rained on?  i seriously considered running up to the movie screen and trying to lick the water off of his biceps.

so… i’m officially a pedophile.  and i’m ok with that.  aiden gets mistaken for a 10 year-old everytime he shaves, so i now understand the attraction i feel towards him.  now if i could just convince him to gain about 5 more lbs of muscle we would be in business and i could probably stay out of jail.